Humor – Hotline

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

Click Here to Listen to the Audio Version

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press – no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Humor- Obsessions

A Parenting Class

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “‘Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”

Humor – Symptoms of Wellness

THE 12 WARNING SIGNS OF GOOD HEALTH*

(If several or more appear, you may rarely need to visit a doctor.)
1. Regular flare-ups of a supportive network of friends and family.
2. Chronic positive expectations.
3. Repeated episodes of gratitude and generosity.
4. Increased appetite for physical activity.
5. Marked tendency to identify and express feelings.
6. Compulsion to contribute to society.
7. Lingering sensitivity to the feelings of others.
8. Habitual behavior related to seeking new challenges.
9. Craving for peak experiences.
10. Tendency to adapt to changing conditions.
11. Feelings of spiritual involvement.
12. Persistent sense of humor.

*Adapted from a posting on a computer bulletin board in Waldport, Oregon, author unidentified.
Reprinted in Whole Earth Review (Winter 1994), a compendium of brash thinking and lofty ideas.

STAND-UP COMEDY FOR OUR WELL-BEING

Posted April 30, 2014, at Crazywise by Phil Borges, post by Crazywise co-director, Kevin Tomlinson

One of the most audacious and exciting forms of treatment for our health is laughter. David Granirer of Vancouver B.C. who lives with depression, is a counselor, stand up comic, keynote speaker on mental health and author (The Happy Neurotic, How Fear and Angst Can Lead to Happiness and Success). David founded “Stand Up for Mental Health“, an 8 week stand-up comedy program to people with mental illness as a way of building self-esteem and fighting public stigma. 

Stand Up for Health

Posted at ted.com,  June 2011, Joshua walters

Just Crazy Enough

 

http://www.thejoshuawalters.com/

Joshua Walters is a comedian, poet, educator and performer. He incorporates elements of spoken word and beatbox into his shows in a mash-up of comedy, intimate reflection and unpredictable antics. In the last two years, Walters has performed at theaters and universities throughout North America, Europe and the Middle East.