Which “disorders” Do You Suffer From?

In Dr. Mercola’s article, the New England Journal of Medicine exposes the new DSM for making “Grief” a Psychiatric Illness. Dr. Mercola writes-

• Do you shop too much? You might have Compulsive Shopping Disorder.

• Do you have a difficult time with multiplication? You could be suffering from Dyscalculia.

• Spending too much time surfing the Web? It might be Internet Addiction Disorder.

• Spending too much time at the gym? You’d better see someone for your Bigorexia or Muscle Dysmorphia.

It’s almost impossible to see a psychiatrist today without being diagnosed with a mental disorder because so many behavior variations are described as pathology. And you have very high chance – approaching 100% — of emerging from your psychiatrist’s office with a prescription in hand. Writing a prescription is, of course, much faster than engaging in behavioral or lifestyle strategies, but it’s also a far more lucrative approach for the conventional model. Additionally, most practitioners have yet to accept the far more effective energetic psychological approaches.

The branding of various forms of normal human emotions as “mental illness” has been a Big Pharma cash cow for years. According to marketing professional Vince Parry in a 2003 commentary called “The Art of Branding a Condition“:

“Watching the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) balloon in size over the decades to its current phonebook dimensions would have us believe that the world is a more unstable place today than ever.”… Not surprisingly, many of these newly coined conditions were brought to light through direct funding by pharmaceutical companies, in research, in publicity or both.”

And if that’s not damning enough, a former chief of the American Psychiatric Association admitted that some of the “mistakes” the APA made in its diagnostic manual have had “terrible consequences,” which have mislabeled millions of children and adults, and facilitated epidemics of mental illness that don’t exist.

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Relationship Secrets For Sensitive People: Why Emotional Empaths Stay Lonely Or Alone

by Judith Orloff, MD

Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. As a psychiatrist in Los Angeles and in my workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional empaths” come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they’re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn’t simply that “there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,’” nor is their burnout “neurotic.” Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.

In “Emotional Freedom” I describe empaths as a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space. We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of

Empathy (Photo credit: TonZ)

feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn’t understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely; we want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn’t feel safe. One empath-patient told me, “It helps explain why at thirty-two I’ve only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year.” Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs — the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don’t feel they’re on top of you. Empaths can’t fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm’s length. In doctors’ waiting rooms I’ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away. With friends it’s about half that. With a mate it’s variable. Sometimes it’s rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a “Keep Out” sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love.

All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you’ve felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don’t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others — make clear that this isn’t about not loving them — but get the discussion going. Once you can, you’re able to build progressive relationships.

If you’re an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don’t jibe with you, practice the following tips.

DEFINE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE NEEDS.

Tips for empaths to feel at ease in a relationship:

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate.
As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being “overly sensitive,” won’t respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style.
Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs.
You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here’s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely.
Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. “Out of sight” may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks.
Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.
 
In my medical practice, I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.

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Judith Orloff MD is author of the New York Times Bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011), upon which this excerpt is based. An Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry UCLA, Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, subtle energy, and spirituality. For Judith’s workshop schedule, free articles, videos and more inspiration visit www.drjudithorloff.com

Embrace Impermanence & Discover Yourself Amidst Change

by Laura in Mindfulness

“If we are not empty, we become a block of matter. We cannot breathe, we cannot think. To be empty means to be alive, to breathe in and to breathe out. We cannot be alive if we are not empty. Emptiness is impermanence, it is change. We should not complain about impermanence, because without impermanence, nothing is possible.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Being alive means facing change. It can be gut wrenchingly painful to truly accept the inevitability of change and the impermanence of all things in life. Many of us cling to images of who we believe ourselves to be or to have been, vehemently denying the physical, mental, and emotional changes that naturally occur over time. We may also find ourselves entrenched in deep-seated denial that others around us are changing, too. Not only must we accept that all material things are subject to change, but also that they are impermanent.

Take a moment to look around you – notice the delicate temporary nature to all things in their material forms. Rather than allowing this recognition of impermanence to instill fear in your heart, consider the potential for increasing mindful awareness, deepening and cherishing relationships, and discovering yourself amidst change. As soon as it becomes clear that each passing moment is a gift that you can choose to connect with or not, your perspective on how you live your life may begin to shift.

Impermanence (Photo credit: Licorice Medusa)

Attachments & Human Suffering

Consider how it is through clinging that suffering occurs. The recognition and acceptance of impermanence does not require clinging to what we perceive ourselves to possess – be it intellect, good looks, money, material goods, or loving relationships. None of these things were ever truly “ours” to begin with… embracing impermanence means mindful awareness and acceptance of this simple truth. When we allow the vice-like grip we often wield over these attachments to loosen – fear may arise at first – but ultimately the process of letting go can free us from unnecessary suffering.

When we find ourselves particularly attached to people, things, or symbols that we have internalized as part of our true identity, it can be especially painful to let them go. Imagine the pain that someone might feel who built his or her entire life around building and loving their family, only to watch them all leave. Or perhaps reflect on the pain of spending years of one’s life pursuing a cherished goal or dream, only to fall short or have it taken away. The suffering is in the clinging, not in the loss itself.

This is not to imply that losses and changes cannot be devastating. Most of us have experienced the visceral emotional pain of losing some part of who we thought we were or wanted to be, losing a relationship we thought would last “forever,” or losing sight of a dream that we once held. It is possible to relate to the suffering that arises from such losses in a new way. Just as change is inevitable, so is pain… it is the suffering that is optional.

Change & Resistance

If we are all aware (whether we choose to consciously focus on it or not) of impermanence and the constancy of change, then why do we often direct such powerful physical, mental, and emotional resources toward resistance? For many people in our Western culture, identity is shaped and molded based on external criteria, which can lead to the development of and powerful attachment to the false ego. Perhaps it is no wonder that when changes occur, our tenacious attachments can result in an experience of emotionally falling apart or becoming unglued. It is as if powerful illusions that have been governing our lives have been exposed.

What now? What do we do when the false self becomes unmasked and illusions of who we thought we were are brought into the light? Adopting a mindset and attitude of acceptance and flexibility not only decreases suffering in the face of change, it can also lead to flourishing. It is during these times when we can choose to embrace impermanence and use the experience of change as an opportunity to discover the authentic self behind the illusory mask and build a life based on that discovery.

What might it be like for you to express gratitude for a recent painful loss/change in your life, rather than choose to depress or rage against it? Perhaps the change feels unwanted, inconvenient, or has resulted in painful emotions. While this may be the case, consider how different your internal experience would be if you were to direct radical acceptance toward the change and allow your heart to express gratitude for being presented with this newfound wealth of opportunities for self-discovery and growth.

Attachments & Illusions

The cyclical and infinite nature of change underlies the foundation of our lives. When we choose to embrace the impermanence of all things with an attitude of acceptance, wisdom, and compassion, a part of ourselves that may have been dormant for years becomes alive… awakened to the profound meaning of living fully in the present moment. There is no need for grasping or clinging to false attachments. Once the authentic self recognizes those attachments as illusory in nature, it becomes apparent that the false self has been clinging to the unreal.

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